Today I spent a few hours going through a closet full of teenage memories. Pictures, journals, yearbooks, awards- memories both good and bad. It was mostly middle school through high school things I had held on to, and the whole experience made me feel incredibly nostalgic, considering what life was and how it could have been. I am proud of and happy with who I have become, but I couldn't help but wish that I could talk to my younger self to try and avoid some heartache. Among my massive collection of things, I found many letters that I wrote to people expressing what I wish I could say, but never gave to the person. So, to carry on in the same pattern, here is my letter to my 14 year old self.
Dear Bronte,
Hey! It's me, your 23 year old self. I remember 23 seeming so old- remember that time Aunt Julia came to visit and said she was 23, and we said 23 was our favorite number because we thought it seemed so cool and old? Me too.
Anyways, I have just finished cleaning out our closet, and I realized I have so many things I wish I could share with you.
You are beautiful. Please don't waste years of your life being self conscious of your acne- it does (mostly) clear up, it does not make you less of a person.
Your feelings, thoughts and ideas are important and valid. Do not be so afraid of what others might think of these that you force yourself into terrified, aching silence. This silence will have consequences, and if you don't speak up, you will end up hurting yourself and others more than if you calmly and openly explain yourself. Also, your ideas are rad! Pursue them! Maybe it's not the same idea as the one the "cool girls" have, but it is yours and deserves to be explored.
Boys can wait. I know, they are cute and exciting and so fun to think about and flirt with. But you have so much time before you need to worry about them. Every romantic relationship you get into will end one of two ways- either marriage or a broken heart. So please, take the time to get to know people before jumping into relationships. You have a happy, loving heart, and some day you will find a boy who shares your soul. But there are many boys who you will meet whose hearts are not like yours. Be aware of this and watch for warning signs to get out before you are in too deep.
Physical relationships can wait. I know it is exciting, and it is perfectly fine to be curious about it. But please, please wait until you have found someone who values you and your relationship so highly that they actually put a ring on it before you do. It isn't enough for a guy to say they want to marry you some day down the road- many guys use that phrase as leverage. Also, never EVER be pressured into doing something you don't want to do just because you are afraid you will lose the guy if you don't. If he is pressuring you, give him a swift kick in the butt out the door and wait for the one who respects your boundaries. You both will get over it and be perfectly fine.
(Spoiler alert- you will eventually meet the boy of your dreams. He is everything you want, you'll be married for eternity and have a beautiful baby girl.)
You are both loved AND liked! People are more than happy to be friends with you if you just go slightly out of your comfort zone to try and develop friendships. Be involved! Join clubs! Talk to anyone and everyone! All you have to do is ask people about themselves, give them compliments, and be yourself, and bam! Friendship. Once you have made friends, work to maintain these friendships, and do your best at keeping in touch after moving away. This is something I am still struggling with, but maybe if you get started now, it won't be as hard when we are 23 ;)
Be kind to your family, especially your parents. You are their first child, they are doing their best to figure out how to parent a teenager, just like you are trying to figure out how to be one. You will be frustrated, and so will they. They really do have good advice, even if you don't want to hear it. And stop doing that stupid stony faced vacant look when people try to figure out how you are feeling. It won't make either of you feel better.
Work hard in school, don't skip class. I know this seems weird now, but trust me. You are only in school for a limited number of years. Do everything to the best of your ability and you won't look back with regrets. Plus you will learn a heck of a lot more.
Your taste in music is awesome. Keep exploring genres and looking for more. Don't waste your time listening to music you don't really like just to seem cool. It's a waste of time.
Keep developing your artistic voice and vision.
Be outside as often as possible. I know I know, it's rainy most of the time. But it's a serious mood booster and will keep you healthy.
You manage to completely avoid drugs and alcohol, so high five to us! You do miss out on some things because of it, but honestly, it's not a huge deal and your friends that matter are totally cool with it.
You also do well at staying active at church and developing our beliefs, so double high five to that too!
You do need to improve you consumer habits. Stop buying crap you don't need! Save that money and use it to travel around the world. A trip to Paris or India will keep you happy far longer than that dress that you sort of want.
I feel like most of these are more somber pieces of advice, but when you are good and doing your best, you are a champion that really doesn't need advice. Your conscience is strong, your head and your heart know what's best, so trust them. When you can't decipher what they are saying, have a chat with God and he will help straighten you out.
My final piece of advice is to not be in such a hurry to grow up. You are a teenager for only a few years, then get to spend the following sixty being a grown up. Have fun! Be silly! Do goofy things with your friends! Go to concerts! Travel! These are experiences you will never regret.
You are appreciated. You are forgiven. You are loved. You are enough.
Good luck with your teenage years! I promise they end and you will be a better person at the end of them.
Love, Bronte
Hey! It's me, your 23 year old self. I remember 23 seeming so old- remember that time Aunt Julia came to visit and said she was 23, and we said 23 was our favorite number because we thought it seemed so cool and old? Me too.
Anyways, I have just finished cleaning out our closet, and I realized I have so many things I wish I could share with you.
You are beautiful. Please don't waste years of your life being self conscious of your acne- it does (mostly) clear up, it does not make you less of a person.
Your feelings, thoughts and ideas are important and valid. Do not be so afraid of what others might think of these that you force yourself into terrified, aching silence. This silence will have consequences, and if you don't speak up, you will end up hurting yourself and others more than if you calmly and openly explain yourself. Also, your ideas are rad! Pursue them! Maybe it's not the same idea as the one the "cool girls" have, but it is yours and deserves to be explored.
Boys can wait. I know, they are cute and exciting and so fun to think about and flirt with. But you have so much time before you need to worry about them. Every romantic relationship you get into will end one of two ways- either marriage or a broken heart. So please, take the time to get to know people before jumping into relationships. You have a happy, loving heart, and some day you will find a boy who shares your soul. But there are many boys who you will meet whose hearts are not like yours. Be aware of this and watch for warning signs to get out before you are in too deep.
Physical relationships can wait. I know it is exciting, and it is perfectly fine to be curious about it. But please, please wait until you have found someone who values you and your relationship so highly that they actually put a ring on it before you do. It isn't enough for a guy to say they want to marry you some day down the road- many guys use that phrase as leverage. Also, never EVER be pressured into doing something you don't want to do just because you are afraid you will lose the guy if you don't. If he is pressuring you, give him a swift kick in the butt out the door and wait for the one who respects your boundaries. You both will get over it and be perfectly fine.
(Spoiler alert- you will eventually meet the boy of your dreams. He is everything you want, you'll be married for eternity and have a beautiful baby girl.)
You are both loved AND liked! People are more than happy to be friends with you if you just go slightly out of your comfort zone to try and develop friendships. Be involved! Join clubs! Talk to anyone and everyone! All you have to do is ask people about themselves, give them compliments, and be yourself, and bam! Friendship. Once you have made friends, work to maintain these friendships, and do your best at keeping in touch after moving away. This is something I am still struggling with, but maybe if you get started now, it won't be as hard when we are 23 ;)
Be kind to your family, especially your parents. You are their first child, they are doing their best to figure out how to parent a teenager, just like you are trying to figure out how to be one. You will be frustrated, and so will they. They really do have good advice, even if you don't want to hear it. And stop doing that stupid stony faced vacant look when people try to figure out how you are feeling. It won't make either of you feel better.
Work hard in school, don't skip class. I know this seems weird now, but trust me. You are only in school for a limited number of years. Do everything to the best of your ability and you won't look back with regrets. Plus you will learn a heck of a lot more.
Your taste in music is awesome. Keep exploring genres and looking for more. Don't waste your time listening to music you don't really like just to seem cool. It's a waste of time.
Keep developing your artistic voice and vision.
Be outside as often as possible. I know I know, it's rainy most of the time. But it's a serious mood booster and will keep you healthy.
You manage to completely avoid drugs and alcohol, so high five to us! You do miss out on some things because of it, but honestly, it's not a huge deal and your friends that matter are totally cool with it.
You also do well at staying active at church and developing our beliefs, so double high five to that too!
You do need to improve you consumer habits. Stop buying crap you don't need! Save that money and use it to travel around the world. A trip to Paris or India will keep you happy far longer than that dress that you sort of want.
I feel like most of these are more somber pieces of advice, but when you are good and doing your best, you are a champion that really doesn't need advice. Your conscience is strong, your head and your heart know what's best, so trust them. When you can't decipher what they are saying, have a chat with God and he will help straighten you out.
My final piece of advice is to not be in such a hurry to grow up. You are a teenager for only a few years, then get to spend the following sixty being a grown up. Have fun! Be silly! Do goofy things with your friends! Go to concerts! Travel! These are experiences you will never regret.
You are appreciated. You are forgiven. You are loved. You are enough.
Good luck with your teenage years! I promise they end and you will be a better person at the end of them.
Love, Bronte